


All The Love We Had And Lost

by pennylesspiggybank



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Fluff, Loki Angst, Loki Friggason angst, Loki Friggason fluff, Loki Friggason smut, Loki Friggason x Female Reader, Loki Friggason x Female Reader angst, Loki Friggason x Female Reader fluff, Loki Friggason x Female Reader smut, Loki Friggason x Reader, Loki Friggason x Reader angst, Loki Friggason x Reader fluff, Loki Friggason x Reader smut, Loki Laufeyson angst, Loki Laufeyson fluff, Loki Laufeyson smut, Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader, Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader angst, Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader fluff, Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader smut, Loki Laufeyson x Reader angst, Loki Laufeyson x Reader fluff, Loki Laufeyson x Reader smut, Loki Odinson - Freeform, Loki Odinson angst, Loki Odinson fluff, Loki Odinson smut, Loki Odinson x Female Reader, Loki Odinson x Female Reader angst, Loki Odinson x Female Reader fluff, Loki Odinson x Female Reader smut, Loki Odinson x Reader angst, Loki Odinson x Reader fluff, Loki Odinson x Reader smut, Loki fics to make you cry, Loki fluff, Loki smut, Smut, Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Thor: The Dark World, loki friggason, loki laufeyson - Freeform, loki laufeyson x reader - Freeform, loki odinson x reader, pennylesspiggybank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 15:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20099746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennylesspiggybank/pseuds/pennylesspiggybank
Summary: Some Loki x female reader fluff, smut and angst that literally no one asked for, but I had to write as a catharsis. Takes place during Thor:Ragnarok, Infinity War and Endgame, all of the flashbacks/backstory in italics takes place after Thor:The Dark World and before Thor:Ragnarok. Get ready to cry cause it’s all I’ve been doing for the past four months.You meet Loki when he’s admitting Odin to Shady Acres Care Facility. One thing leads to another and you fall in love, still happily together five years after you met. When Loki informs you that he and Thor are coming to Earth, you couldn’t be more excited, only they never arrive. A month later Thor comes knocking on your door with heartbreaking news.





	All The Love We Had And Lost

He never told you when he was coming to visit, that’s something you’ve gotten used to. He claimed it was because he didn’t want to spoil the surprise, but you always suspected it was because he liked scaring the hell out of you when he would show up out of nowhere. It was as if he always chose the worst time to stop by, but you didn’t exactly discourage him. You’d never admit it but you were more than happy to drop what you were doing to spend time with him. It had all started out innocently enough, you had met him back in 2013 when he was admitting his father into the same care facility that your grandfather had been living in for years. 

_“Is there really no one who’s caught your eye, dear? I worry about you, you know I do it out of love,” your grandpa said, picking up another card. You were playing poker with him, even though he had a terrible poker face you always let him win, this time was no exception. _

_“You know you’d be the first person I’d tell, Gramps,” you sighed, throwing out a card that would’ve helped you win. _

_“Not a single young man? Or young lady? You know I’d certainly never judge, as long as they make you happy,” he pressed, with a certain glint in his eye that told you he was definitely close to winning this game of poker. _

_“I don’t know, there isn’t really anyone I’m interested in right now. Besides, I’ve barely graduated high school, and college is going to keep me really busy next year,” you kept making excuses. Your grandpa finally showed his cards, and he clearly beat you. _

_“Ha, that’s three times I’ve won! I think I need to take a break from kicking your butt, let’s go get some lunch, I’ll buy,” your grandpa offered._

_“That’s not necessary, Gramps, I’ll buy,” you countered._

_“Nonsense, I beat you three times this is your consolation prize. Now go sign me out, I need to go grab my jacket from my room,” he called to you as he was already leaving the room. You sighed and got up to go to the front desk. When Beth from the front desk saw you coming she waved, holding up a finger signaling you to wait. She hung up the phone and came over to hug you. _

_“Sorry I haven’t seen you in a while, I’ve been stuck on the night shift. How are things with you? How’s it going in school?” she asked excitedly. _

_“Good, things are good and I graduated a week ago, so I’m free,” you informed her happily. _

_“Oh that’s great, honey. Congratulations!” she exclaimed pulling you in for another hug. After the tight hug, she walked you over to the front desk, you were in the process of signing out your grandfather when you first heard his voice._

_“Good afternoon, I would like to admit my father into your care facility,” he announced next to you. You glanced up quickly scanning over him and his father. You couldn’t help but notice that he was incredibly handsome, just the sight of him made you blush. Beth caught your eye as she was helping him with paperwork and she gave you a wink. You had no idea why she was winking and that scared you. _

_“Alright, well I have to go let the staff know to prepare a room, but if you have any questions, y/n over here can help you,” Beth said and sauntered away. You were internally screaming, hopefully he didn’t have questions. Even if he did you couldn’t help, you were sure your grandpa would show up soon, he had to. You were almost done signing your initials when in your peripherals you saw him turn towards you. _

_“Hello, sorry to bother, but I’m not sure how much of this I’ll be able to fill out,” he stated._

_“Oh, well just try to fill out the most important stuff, anything you don’t know probably won’t be too much of a problem. All they really need to know is his name and any serious medical conditions. Oh, and I assume you’re his emergency contact, so they’ll need to know your details too,” you explained. _

_“Thank you,” he said before going to sit down with his father to fill out the forms. You were about to go look for your grandpa when he came walking over with Beth._

_“Beth here tells me that I’ll be getting a new neighbour,” your grandpa loudly informs the room. “Hey there son, would you mind if I gave your dad the tour? Oh and my granddaughter y/n can give you a tour as well, you won’t mind would you, dear?” your grandpa asked even though he was already leading his new neighbour away. You knew Beth was behind this, she had the smile on her face to prove it. _

_“I better go keep an eye on those two. Are you and um, sorry I didn’t catch your name, darling,” Beth stated._

_“Loki,” he replied._

_“Loki, nice to meet you. Are you two going to be okay?” she asked. You and Loki nodded. When Beth left you went to go sit down next to him, while he was staring down at the forms with confusion. _

_“Do you need help?” you asked gently._

_“I’ve filled in everything I can, but I’m not sure if it’s adequate,” he voiced holding the clipboard out for you to read. You glanced over the information, noticing that his father had Alzheimer’s and was older than you’d thought. You also noticed that Loki was missing a phone number under the emergency contact section. _

_“You’re just missing your phone number here,” you informed pointing at the blank space._

_“I’m afraid I don’t have one,” Loki responded. _

_“Oh, that might be a problem,” you uttered. _

_“If I’m being honest, he’s my adopted father but we don’t have much of a relationship. He’s not even sure who I am so in the event of an emergency it won’t do anyone any good to contact me,” he explained._

_“What about in the event of his death?” you asked before you could stop yourself. He gave you a sad, but angry look. You realised he didn’t care. It wasn’t your place to say anything so you didn’t. You just took the pen from him and wrote your phone number in the space under his name. “That’s the only way they’ll admit him, so if anything does happen I’ll show up and explain that you were busy and asked me to come,” you stated. _

_“Thank you, y/n.” It was weird hearing him say your name, but you hoped it wouldn’t be the last time. You smiled at each other and began chit chatting, mostly about your life. You told him you worked at the 24-hour diner a block away and that you usually worked the night shift. He promised to stop by for the “world famous” waffles. Your grandpa came back ten minutes later, after he finished giving Loki’s dad the tour. _

_“Goodbye, Loki,” you greeted before going to lunch with your grandpa._

Loki appearing in a shimmer of green startled you, but you were soon running to him to hug him. As soon as you touched him though your hands went through him as though he was a ghost. You realised it was one of his tricks, he was casting an illusion of himself to tell you that he and Thor were on their way to Earth. He never did that before and he’s certainly never brought Thor along with him. In all the years you’ve known him, you never met any of his family, only heard about them. His family was the topic of one of the first heartfelt conversations the two of you had. 

_It was around ten at night, which is usually when things would start getting quieter at the diner. After your last customer left, you decided to start cleaning all the tables, if anyone came in they’d have to sit at the counter. You cleaned off all the tables, and put the chairs on the tables. Since it didn’t take you too long you decided to start mopping the floors. You plugged your headphones into your phone and started playing some of your favourite songs to clean to. Before long, you were dancing around as you mopped the floors. Your music was so loud you didn’t hear the bell ring signalling the arrival of a customer, so when someone tapped your shoulder you almost screamed. You spun around so fast you almost lost your balance, although the wet floors might have contributed to that. There stood Loki, looking smug in a dark grey hoodie and black jeans. _

_“Didn’t mean to scare you, love,” he apologised, but the smirk on his face made you doubt he meant it. _

_“Welcome to Heather’s Diner, what’ll it be today?” you sighed, your heart still racing. _

_“I wouldn’t mind trying some of those ‘world famous’ waffles you spoke so highly of,” Loki requested. _

_“Coming right up, feel free to take a seat anywhere at the counter,” you stated heading back to the kitchen to place the order. When you came back out Loki was sitting at the counter smiling at you. “I didn’t even ask if you wanted something to drink. We’ve got fresh coffee, but it’s late so you probably don’t want any,” you rambled. _

_“Coffee sounds wonderful,” he said crossing his arms on the counter. You grabbed a mug from under the counter and went over to the coffee pot to pour some of the steaming liquid into the mug. You placed it in front of Loki and he added three sugar packets to it. “How long have you been working here?” he asked while stirring the sugar into his coffee._

_“About a year, I got it as a summer job before my senior year, but then I decided to stay,” you explained. Loki nodded, silence settling over the diner, except for the sounds coming from the kitchen._

_“How’s your grandfather?” he asked, since the two of you really had nothing else to talk about._

_“He’s good, I haven’t been to see him in a while but he calls me every few days to check in. Your dad’s doing fine too by the way,” you added._

_“He’s not my father!” Loki hissed. It startled you but thankfully the cook rang the bell, letting you know that Loki’s order was up, giving you an excuse to leave. You brought him his waffles and some cutlery, placing it in front of him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you. I just don’t like talking about him,” he admitted. _

_“I understand, I won’t bring him up again,” you concluded. You thought the subject had been officially dropped, but after a few moments of silence, Loki spoke again. _

_“He raised me to think that I was his son and I believed him when he said I had the same rights as my brother. When I found out I was adopted - he didn’t even tell me I had to find out - it finally made sense why he favoured my brother all those years. Everytime I do something wrong he relishes in reminding me that I should have died as a baby, and if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be here to hate him,” Loki confessed, cutting up a waffle and soaking a bite of it in syrup he had poured in his plate. _

_“That’s awful, I’m sorry. What about your mom?” you asked and as soon as you did you regretted it. Loki looked like he might cry just at the mention of his mom. _

_“She passed away recently,” he informed sadly, taking another bite of his waffles._

_“Shit, I’m so sorry, I feel terrible. I’ll just shut up now and let you eat in peace,” you rambled. _

_“No, it’s alright. I miss her terribly, she taught me everything I know and I wasn’t even allowed to attend her funeral,” he said bitterly stabbing at one of his waffles. _

_“What? How could that happen? She was your mom, you had every right to be at her funeral, to grieve, you should have been allowed to say goodbye,” you sputtered. _

_“My father and my brother didn’t even inform me of her death until after the funeral,” he sighed. _

_“I’m sorry. I know that my apology means nothing and it won’t help, but that’s all I can say.” You grabbed the pot of coffee and poured yourself a cup. _

_“Thank you, you’re speaking to me, that’s enough,” he uttered before finishing his last waffle. He pushed the plate to the side and added even more sugar to his coffee. _

_“I’ll just get this out of the way, but I’ll be back and we can talk about whatever you want,” you informed grabbing his empty plate and heading to the back. When you came back he was staring intently at his coffee cup. “So, what do you wanna talk about?” you asked walking around the counter and taking a seat next to him. He turned to face you, sighing before meeting your eyes. _

_“Can you keep a secret?” he inquired. You nodded your head, curious about what he would say next. “I’m not from around here,” he admitted._

_“Yeah, I know. I figured you were from the UK,” you muttered. _

_“I meant not from this realm,” he whispered, leaning closer to you. _

_“Uh-” you began._

_“I’m from Asgard, well supposedly, since I’m adopted. I assume you’re familiar with Thor, he’s my brother,” Loki explained._

_“Wait, like the Avenger Thor?” you asked dumbfounded. _

_“Oh, you worship him as well,” he sighed angrily._

_“Nah, Captain America has always been my favourite,” you giggled._

_“That’s not as bad, but he’s not that wonderful either,” Loki mumbled. _

_“So, Thor’s your brother-” you began._

_“Adopted,” he interjected._

_“Why didn’t he let you go to your mom’s funeral?” you questioned._

_“I was imprisoned by Odin, his father,” Loki admitted._

_“Wait, you were imprisoned? For what?” you asked loudly. You were suddenly a lot more afraid of Loki (although at that point you realised you had always been a little intimidated by him). If his own family had imprisoned him he must have done something pretty bad._

_“I tried to rule Earth,” he explained._

_“What? When?” you chuckled._

_“About a year ago, I attacked this very city. How could you not remember that?” he asked surprised._

_“Oh, that was you? I thought it was aliens, that’s what the government told everyone.” You drank your last bit of coffee and got up to pour more for you and Loki. _

_“It wasn’t really me, I was under the control of the Mind Stone. I barely even remember what I did,” Loki explained accepting the freshly poured cup of coffee from you and added a lot of sugar to it once again. _

_“So, it wasn’t your fault…. You were being controlled, why would they still imprison you?” you asked._

_“Well, before New York, I did other things that pissed Odin off and made him want to imprison me. I think he would have rather had me executed, but my mother stopped him,” he informed._

_“That’s horrible, I can see why you dropped him off at Shady Acres,” you admitted._

_“Do you want to hear another secret?” Loki inquired. You nodded your head eagerly._

_“I’m posing as Odin to rule Asgard,” he confessed. _

_“How?” you gasped. Loki glanced around the diner quickly. Then right in front of your eyes he transformed into Odin. You almost fell out of your chair in surprise. _

_“I didn’t know you could do that! What else can you do? Can Thor do that too?” you rambled._

_“No, he can’t. Which is why I’m clearly the better brother,” Loki spoke, now transformed back into himself._

_“Clearly,” you agreed. Loki smiled at you, something you couldn’t recall him doing before._

_“I must get back, Asgard awaits,” he sighed tossing a few more bills than necessary on the counter and getting up from his chair. _

_“Well, are you going to come back here again?” you implored. _

_“I’ll come back to Earth to see you, although I’m not certain when I’ll come back,” he stated._

_“Okay, when you do come back look for me. I’ll either be here or at Shady Acres or at my apartment which is about a block west from here, apartment number 333. Stop by and I’ll buzz you in,” you explained._

_“Alright, until we meet again then,” he declared taking your hand and placing a soft kiss on it. _

_“Goodbye, Loki,” you giggled and in the blink of an eye he had disappeared._

As you eagerly awaited Loki and Thor’s arrival, you cleaned your apartment, like four times. You were so restless, you needed something to do to keep your hands busy. Once you finished cleaning your apartment for the fifth time, you sat out on your fire escape, something you and Loki always did when he came to visit. Since the very first night he came to visit, the two of you would sit outside eating takeout while he told you stories about the Nine Realms. It became a habit and you looked forward to it each time he visited. 

_You were sitting on your couch with takeout waiting for a show to load on Netflix when you heard a knock on your door. Which was odd because you didn’t buzz anyone in. You got up with a grumble and opened the door. You were greeted by a smirking Loki. _

_“Loki!” you exclaimed, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. Since you first met last year in November, it’s been a long six months, but the two of you have gotten rather close. So close in fact that Loki has declared that you’re the only one who’s allowed to hug him. _

_“Well, hello to you too,” Loki said wrapping his arms securely around you. You ended the hug, leading him inside and flopping down on your couch. _

_“Want some?” you asked offering him an unopened container of Chinese food. He nodded his head and took the container from you and the extra plastic fork from your coffee table. You couldn’t help but giggle as you watched him fail miserably at getting the noodles in his mouth. He kept having to slurp them up unceremoniously, but you found it adorable. That’s something friends totally did, they can find each other adorable, that’s totally acceptable. At least you think you and Loki are friends, neither of you ever explicitly said so, but you did spend a lot of time together. And even if he hadn’t friendzoned you, he was still way out of your league, he was a God for crying out loud, you were just a mere mortal. You were pulled from your thoughts when Loki set his empty container on your coffee table and curled up on the couch. It doesn’t get any less hilarious every time you see it. Him being so large and your couch not so large, forced him to have to cross his legs with a pillow in his lap and a blanket over his head, wrapped around his body. On colder nights you’d rest your head in the pillow on his lap while you talked or watched old movies together, you’d even fallen asleep like that once, only to be awoken by Loki’s snores a few hours later. Tonight however, was not one of those cold nights. It was boiling hot and Loki didn’t even bother with the pillow on his lap, or wrapping the blanket around himself. You did miss the way it would mess up his hair though. On warmer nights he would help you carry an old picnic blanket and some pillows out to your fire escape where the two of you would build a little nest. Just as the two of you finished doing that and were satisfied with your work, you got settled in and he began telling you another story, this one Yggdrasil and all the creatures that lived in the World Tree. You were amazed as always. It was getting late when he finished the story and you let out the yawn you were trying so hard to hold back. _

_“I suppose that’s my cue to leave,” Loki sighed. _

_“No, please don’t go yet,” you murmured. _

_“You’re tired, you should rest,” Loki advised._

_“Am not,” you argued right before a big yawn. Loki quirked an eyebrow and you huffed, sulking just a bit. “Okay, fine. So I am tired. That’s exactly why you can’t leave yet. You have to help me clean up and get ready for bed,” you grumbled._

_“Alright, alright. Let’s go,” he sighed rolling his eyes at you being overdramatic. He helped you up and did most of the cleaning up while you just watched, yawning every now and then. “Time for bed,” he announced after placing the last pillow back on the couch. _

_“Yay!” you exclaimed. “I want to be piggybacked there, or I’m not going,” you declared making grabby-hands at Loki. He stared at you with a confused look on his face. “Carry me, please,” you explained. _

_“Hop on,” Loki chuckled. You gladly did so. You directed him to your bedroom and he plopped you onto your bed. Since you had been lounging around your house for a few hours, you were already dressed in a comfy T-shirt and shorts so you crawled into bed. “If that’s all, I’ll be going now,” Loki stated. _

_“You still have to give me my kiss goodnight,” you joked. _

_“That I can do,” Loki responded sitting next to you on the bed. Before you could tell him you were half joking, he pressed his lips to your forehead sweetly. He hesitated for a moment then placed another kiss on your cheek, then another on your other cheek. You giggled, you were sure you were blushing furiously. Then Loki surprised you with a gentle kiss on your lips. You gasped, not sure if it was out of shock or pleasure._

_“My apologies-” Loki began before you sat up and kissed him back, a little less gentle than he kissed you. Now it was his turn to gasp. He sat motionless for a second then he responded to the kiss. The kiss was innocent enough, but you were breathless when he broke the kiss. You tried to pull Loki closer for another kiss but he stopped you. “I think it’s best we stop here for now,” he whispered. _

_“Oh,” you uttered disappointedly. _

_“Believe me, I’d love nothing more than to continue, but I have to return to Asgard and you need to rest,” Loki explained. You nodded, still a little sad that he had to leave. “I promise I’ll return soon,” Loki reasoned. _

_“Okay,” you croaked. _

_“That’s my good girl. I’ll see you soon, y/n,” Loki promised._

_“Goodbye, Loki,” you uttered and then he was gone._

You weren’t sure when Loki would be arriving, but you assumed it would be the next morning. When “he came” to tell you that he was on his way he told you he’d had a very long day and he’d see you soon. Since he was still traveling to Earth, it was safe to assume he would be a while. Although, you were not sure why they weren’t using the Bifrost to travel. He said he’d explain everything when he arrived. 

“Goodbye, Loki,” you said. 

“I love you, y/n,” Loki greeted. Before you could reply he abruptly disappeared. 

“Love you,” you sighed to yourself and rolled your eyes. 

You decided you’d take a bath, everything was already cleaned so there was nothing else to do. The bath soothed you a little, calmed your nerves. You weren’t sure why you were nervous, maybe it was because you’d be meeting Thor. Yeah, that’s it. You decided to settle for that explanation, but you still had an uneasy feeling that wouldn’t go away. You tried to push it to the back of your mind, brushing it off, it was just silly. You were just nervous to meet Loki’s only living family and you were excited to see him again. It could be possible that you were nervous to see Loki again, but you could only remember that happening once before. 

_It was a month after Loki had kissed you. You were starting to get a little worried that he wouldn’t return. What if he didn’t like the kiss? What if he didn’t like you? Your brain concocted all sorts of scenarios, the only one you hadn’t prepared for was the one that actually happened. It was a day like any other, you woke up at nine o clock, had breakfast with your grandpa at Shady Acres, subtly asked about Odin (just in case Loki might want an update), did some grocery shopping, had lunch with your best friend, went home and watched TV, then worked your 8pm to 4am shift at the diner. When you got back to your apartment at 4:09 in the morning Loki was sitting on your couch. It was safe to say you let a loud shriek and a curse slip when you spotted him. The asshole laughed, he fucking laughed at you. _

_“Loki, what the hell!” you exclaimed. _

_“I’m sorry,” he chuckled. _

_“I’m having heart palpitations!” you exaggerated, flopping down on your couch next to him._

_“Would you like me to leave,” he teased._

_“No,” you replied immediately. He smiled pulling you in for a long hug. You could feel the tension loosen in his shoulders. “Bad day?” you asked softly. He nodded pulling you closer. “Do you want to talk about it?” you asked stroking his hair gently. He shrugged. “Well, what’s bothering you?” you questioned. He pulled away from the hug and sighed. _

_“I don’t know if I can do it anymore. Being king is quite stressful, and there’s no one to help me. I miss my mother and I have no idea where Thor is, not that I’d ever ask for that oaf’s help. I’m worried about protecting the Tesseract,” Loki admitted. You knew all about his struggle to keep the Infinity Stones safe, he’d even told you about Thanos one night when the two of you got drunk on a deadly mix of mead, whiskey, and coke (to help with the taste). “I just don’t know what to do anymore,” he sighed. _

_“Write a play,” you joked. Loki smiled. “You could rip off Shakespeare, no one would know,” you singsonged, your silly joke made Loki chuckle. He pulled you into his lap and you let out a surprised squeak. Your fingers wandered into his hair, it had gotten a bit longer since the last time you saw him. You played with the hair at the base of his neck and a pleased hum escaped his lips. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you to him. You pressed your nose against his neck, sighing happily. “I’m glad you’re back,” you whispered. _

_“I had to return to finish what I started,” Loki uttered. Your hips shifted a bit at his words. You were suddenly imagining what would have happened if he didn’t have to leave that night. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it before, especially after a long day where you needed to unwind a little. You’d taken some much needed alone time, Loki’s name slipping from your lips, which only embarrassed you a little thinking about it now. You couldn’t help grinding against Loki slightly, a breathy moan slipping past your lips. _

_“Loki,” you panted before hiding your blushing face in his neck. _

_“Shh, it’s alright, darling,” he whispered, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. A shiver ran through your body, which your body decided apparently meant that you needed a shower. Before you could stop yourself you were hopping off of Loki’s lap and walking to your bathroom. “Is something the matter?” Loki asked concerned._

_“No, no. I just need to shower. You can wait for me in my room, I’ll be out in a few minutes,” you explained opening the tap to let the water heat up, fogging up the bathroom. Loki nodded leaving and heading to your room. When he was gone you debated taking a cold shower but decided against it. You wanted something to happen, you just weren’t sure what. Although, it was probably unlikely that anything was going to happen now with the way you bolted off of the couch and out of the room. You decided you were standing there for long enough and closed the tap, stepping out of the tub that was still draining from your shower. You grabbed a large fluffy towel, drying off your hair and then wrapped it around yourself. Your hair was still drip drying and it was only when you finished brushing your teeth that you realised you’d have to go back into your room practically naked to get dressed. Wow, it was really smart telling Loki to wait there for you. You took a deep breath and opened the door, Loki was sitting at the edge of your bed and he lifted his head as soon as he heard the door open. His eyes, not so subtly, roamed over your body, his jaw slightly dropped. He cleared his throat before he spoke; “Would you like me to leave?” he asked. Maybe something could still happen. _

_“I just need to get dressed, you don’t have to go. You could just turn around,” you offered._

_“I would, but I don’t trust myself not to peek,” Loki admitted getting up and giving you a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room. You quickly put on an oversized shirt that came down to your knees and a pair of underwear. You towelled off your hair one more time so it wasn’t dripping anymore and dropped the towel into the laundry basket in your bathroom. When you came out into the living room Loki was sitting on the couch with his back towards you. You tried your best to sneak up on him, but he turned around smiling. “Not many people can sneak up on me,” he informed. You sighed walking around the couch and grabbing his wrist so you could lead him back to your room. Loki was stronger than you though and he decided to pull you into his lap again. Before you could argue he kissed you and you melted. You were happy to just continue kissing him innocently, but he had other ideas. His hands rested on your bare thighs, stroking your skin softly, slowly traveling a bit higher. When one of his fingers brushed against your underwear you gasped and he slid his tongue into your mouth. You felt like you could do this for hours, but you had to come up for air. When you broke the kiss Loki’s lips travelled down your neck leaving a trail of sloppy kisses all over your jaw and neck. Your fingers were tangled in his hair and when his lips brushed over a very sensitive spot you accidentally tugged on his hair. Loki groaned before sucking slightly on that same spot, you rolled your hips down against his and you could feel he was hard. Loki’s hips thrusted up against yours and you moaned loudly. You continued rocking against him desperately, arching your back when his hands grasped onto your hips as he grinded into you. _

_“Loki, please…I…. Please, I need…Loki,” you panted not even sure what you were asking him for. _

_“I’m here, darling. What do you need me to do?” he asked kissing your neck softly. _

_“I don’t know. Loki, please, I need….” you trailed off moaning because his mouth was everywhere and you felt like you were going to combust. _

_“What do you need? My fingers, mouth?” Loki questioned softly against your skin. You nodded almost aggressively. You didn’t know whether Loki was going to put his mouth on you or use his fingers, but right now either sounded amazing. You got your answer when Loki slowly ghosted his fingers over the hem of your underwear. He slipped his hand in and his thumb experimentally rubber your clit. _

_“Oh fuck, Loki,” you groaned. Loki slid his index finger down your slit before slowly entering into you. You arched your back hungrily. Loki added another finger and you were grinding down against him obscenely. When Loki added a third finger you knew you were dangerously close. “Loki, fuck, I’m so close. I…I need…. I need to come, please,” you practically begged. Loki slipped his other hand under your shirt pinching one of your nipples and kissing the other wetly through the fabric of your shirt. That was all you needed to come; hard. Your vision went blurry, your legs trembled, you think you may have even passed out. After almost a minute you were still panting and grinding against Loki, even the aftershocks of your orgasm was amazing. You didn’t realise you were shaking until Loki pointed it out._

_“Y/n are you alright? You’re shaking,” Loki muttered. _

_“I’m fine, that was spectacular,” you replied, your mind still a bit foggy. “Do you need me to….” you trailed off hoping he’d get the message._

_“Oh, there’s no need. I already finished, love,” Loki admitted and you smiled blushing furiously. Loki was about to add something when you let out a big yawn. “Ready for bed I take it,” Loki chuckled. Before you could argue Loki got up with you in his arms and carried you to bed. _

_“Do you have to leave?” you asked once you settled under the covers. Loki sighed sitting down next to you. “Please, stay with me,” you uttered. _

_“Alright, love. I will,” Loki stated removing the shirt he had been wearing and climbing under the covers with you. As soon as he settled comfortably, you were curling up against him. You sighed once your legs were intertwined with Loki’s and your head rested on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He softly kissed your temple and wrapped one of his arms around your waist. You snuggled up to him, grateful that he stayed with you. Loki told you a sweet story about when he and Thor were children, your eyes drooping from exhaustion. You drifted off before you could hear the end of Loki’s story, but when you woke the next morning to Loki spooning you. His arms were wrapped around you so there was no way you were escaping (not like you even wanted to). You slowly turned around to face him and pressed your forehead against his bare chest. He was still as cold as he was last night and you absentmindedly wondered if he ever warmed up. You gently ran your fingers through his hair, brushing a few strands out of his face. Loki began to stir and he blinked slowly, opening his bright eyes to take in his surroundings._

_“What a pleasant way to be awoken,” he mumbled, voice still thick with sleep. He stretched briefly, you silently noted how much he resembled a cat while doing so. _

_“Morning,” you greeted softly._

_“Good morning, sweetheart,” Loki replied giving you a quick kiss on your cheek before getting up. _

_“Do you have to leave so soon?” you asked sadly._

_“I’m afraid so. I’m sorry, darling, but if I leave now I can return tonight and stay until morning. If you’d like,” he offered. _

_“Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” you answered enthusiastically. _

_“Then I shall see you tonight,” Loki announced putting his shirt back on. He leaned down to press a quick kiss to your lips. _

_“Goodbye, Loki,” you giggled before he disappeared with a pleased grin lighting up his face._

It has been hours since you heard from Loki and you were starting to get worried. You weren’t pleased that he woke you up at 3 AM to inform you of his impending visit, but your excitement outweighed your anger. Although it happened rarely in the five years you’ve been with Loki, you’d get angry at him for silly things and he’d lose his temper. You both had quite dangerous tempers, that was clear when you fought. You remember one of the worst - if not the worst - fights the two of you had. 

_“I’m tired of you choosing a throne over me!” you yelled at Loki. He was leaving once again, he always did this. He’d spend the night with you and you’d have a great time but then as soon as the sun came up he had to leave. After two together you thought he’d eventually spend more time with you, but apparently you were wrong. _

_“You know that’s not what I’m doing! If you would just think for yourself you’d understand that I don’t have a choice!” he screamed back equally loud. You were surprised that your neighbours weren’t complaining yet. _

_“I am thinking for myself! And I’m beginning to think that maybe I’m the one who made the wrong choice! What I don’t understand is why you can’t just stay with me for a full 24 hours at least once!” you exclaimed stepping closer to Loki where he stood at your door, on his way to leave. _

_“How many times have I asked you to come to Asgard with me?” Loki questioned furiously. _

_“And how many times have I told you that I can’t just leave my family?” you asked loudly poking at Loki’s chest to emphasise your point. _

_“You always use family as an excuse!” he spat. _

_“Well, I’m sorry if the concept of actually loving your family is weird to you!” you hissed. Loki was visibly taken aback, his jaw dropped and his fists clenched so hard at his sides his knuckles were turning white. Before you could say anything Loki was gone. _

_“Wow, big surprise. Fuck off back to Asgard then,” you sighed to yourself. You didn’t expect Loki to return, you weren’t entirely sure you even wanted him to. But, he did a week later. He looked horrible. His hair was a mess, there were bags under his eyes, which were red and puffy like he’d been crying. You realised you probably didn’t look much better. _

_“Before you say anything…will you please hug me?” Loki asked tenderly. You were up on your feet and wrapped in his arms before you could think twice. You were still mad, but right now Loki was here hugging you, so you nuzzled your face into his neck. You didn’t realise how much you’d missed him until you thought you’d never see him again. When this realisation dawned upon you, so did the realisation that your fight was stupid. _

_“I’m sorry,” you trembled. _

_“No, love, I’m the one who should apologise. I won’t return to Asgard for the rest of the week. We can do whatever you want,” Loki offered. All you could do was hug him tighter. _

_“I love you, Loki,” you whispered._

_“I love you, y/n,” he muttered peppering kisses over your cheeks to make you giggle. _

The last time you’d seen Loki in the flesh was almost a year ago, on the anniversary of your first kiss. He’d “visited” you (now you knew it was because he was helping Thor), but it wasn’t the same. If you knew you wouldn’t be able to touch Loki for almost a year you would have hugged him harder. 

_“Dammit, Loki! I hate it when you scare me like that!” you exclaimed as Loki popped into your kitchen, successfully scaring you half to death. “I almost dropped my dinner,” you added. _

_“Sorry, darling, but we both know you love it,” Loki chuckled. _

_“No, I love you and it’s because I love you that I tolerate it when you scare the crap out of me,” you explained. _

_“I suppose I’ll just keep your gift then,” Loki teased. _

_“Gift?” you inquired. Loki nodded smugly. “I guess you can stay,” you stated. Loki pulled a small box from behind his back and handed it over to you after you put your plate on the counter. _

_“Open it,” he spoke. You opened the box and inside was a beautiful silver ring decorated with an emerald surrounded by smaller onyx stones. You gasped immediately removing it to admire it. _

_“Loki, it’s beautiful,” you beamed. Loki gently took the ring from you and slid it onto your left ring finger; it fit perfectly. _

_“Since today is the anniversary of our first kiss I thought it was about time I gave this to you. I’ve been in love with you for three years and this ring is my promise to you that I will make you my queen. With this ring I promise that I will be yours forever, I won’t leave you, I certainly won’t ever stop loving you, and I will protect you with my life. I never want to be without you, y/n. I’d kill for you and I would die for you. There is nothing I would not do for you, and as long as you’ll have me, I swear to keep these promises to you,” Loki declared. _

_“I love you so much, Loki,” you sobbed embracing him in a tight hug. _

_“I love you even more, y/n” he sighed wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. You lifted yourself onto your tiptoes to press your lips against his in a passionate kiss. Loki broke the kiss with a frustrated sigh. “I wish I could stay, I’m so sorry, darling. I wanted to spend more time with you, but I must go. I will return tomorrow,” Loki stammered. _

_“You better come back, I need you to,” you admitted. _

_“I know, love, I’m truly sorry. Goodbye, y/n,” Loki greeted with a hug and a soft kiss to your lips. _

_“Goodbye, Loki,” you whispered against his neck before he was gone._

After that the only times you’d see Loki was when he’d send you short updates about what was going on. You couldn’t hug or kiss him though and that was slowly starting to drive you insane. You hoped he would be here soon, it has been almost seven hours since you heard from him. You decided to watch some TV while you waited. You flipped through a bunch of channels but they were all airing a breaking news report about an alien attack on New York. Loki wouldn’t dare, would he? No, of course not, he doesn’t do that anymore and it wasn’t even really him who attacked New York the first time. When you saw footage of the attack you became worried, what if this did have something to do with Loki? What if he was in danger? An uneasy feeling washed over you. There’s no way you’d be able to find out, it’s not exactly like there was anyone you could call. For now, you’d just have to pay close attention to the news. **  
**

When nightfall came around and you still hadn’t heard anything from Loki you were freaking out. It was officially time to panic, you decided to go check up and your grandpa and maybe ask Odin if he knows where Loki is. However, when you arrived Beth told you that Odin had checked out a while ago. You were shocked and confused, but you were glad to know that your grandpa was still doing okay. When visiting hours were over you almost didn’t want to leave, in fear that when you got home Loki still wouldn’t be there. Your stomach dropped when you opened your door to an empty apartment. You didn’t think you’d be able to sleep that night, but you cried so much that you actually passed out. 

The next day you unfortunately had to work your shift at Heather’s diner, but you kept thinking you saw Loki walk past the diner or sitting at one of the tables. If you didn’t already feel crazy enough, later that day half of the diner’s patrons literally turned to dust. You were too shocked to process what was happening. When you walked outside and realised that this was happening everywhere and other people were noticing too, you immediately thought of Loki. You hoped that whatever this was, wasn’t affecting him and that he would be okay. You just wanted him to come home safely. 

That night one you’d gotten calls from all your loved ones and made sure that everyone was okay, you could relax just a little. You didn’t know what was happening, and no one on the news seemed to know either. You just wanted some answers. When you cried yourself to sleep again, staring through teary eyes at your promise ring, your last thought before you fell asleep was of Loki and how you hoped he wasn’t dead. 

A whole month later and you still hadn’t heard anything from Loki. Your whole body ached, you were always grumpy and the dumbest things would make you cry. You had been having nightmares (or were they dreams?) where you’d see Loki again and you’d hear his voice and you could almost touch him again. Unfortunately as soon as your fingers brushed against his cheek, or your arms wrapped around him to hug him, he’d disappear. You’d usually wake up from those dreams crying until you fell back into an uneasy sleep. You were so exhausted that it took you several seconds to realise someone was knocking at your door. You bolted towards the door, answering it with a hopeful “Loki?” You were greeted however by a disgruntled looking Thor.

“Are you y/n?” Thor questioned. 

“Where’s Loki? Is he on his way? He had me worried for a whole month, he better get here soon. It’s good to finally meet you, by the way,” you blabbed.

“Y/n, Loki is dead,” Thor informed. You thought your heart had stopped beating, your blood ran cold, you were frozen and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. 

“No, no, no!” you sobbed. “He’s not dead! How can he be dead? What happened?” you screamed.

“Thanos,” Thor simply replied.

“Can’t you bring him back? Please you have to bring him back, I won’t just let him stay a pile of dust!” you exclaimed.

“He didn’t die in The Snap, y/n. He’s not dust. I watched Thanos murder him with his bare hands,” Thor explained sadly. 

“Where is his body?” you whispered. When Thor didn’t answer you fully lost it. Everything finally sank in. The love of your life was gone and you were never going to get him back. All the love you had for him welled up inside of you, it felt like you were going to burst, you’d lost him. It was as if your whole body was shutting down and the only thing you could feel was overwhelming pain. Your heart physically ached, you wanted to rip it out of your chest, but that had already been done. 

It took a lot of convincing but Thor finally left you alone so you could grieve in solitude. You wished you could’ve said goodbye, hugged him and kissed him one last time. You broke out into another round of sobs, you thought you were out of tears by now. You cried and cried until you really did run out of tears, by that time you were exhausted and you fell asleep. 

“Goodbye, Loki,” you whispered, the last words to leave your lips before you fell asleep. 

Five years later and you’d finally accepted Loki’s death. You tried your best to live with it. After your grandpa died a year ago, Thor insisted that you move to New Asgard, Norway. You rarely saw Thor, but you grieved in your own way and he grieved in his. You’d grown close to some of the others living there, but you mostly kept to yourself. But, when Hulk came to see Thor about a plan to fix everything, you were intrigued. Although you could offer no help you were excited again, because for the first time in five years you had a reason to be. You knew that it was unlikely that Loki would come back, you didn’t want to get your hopes up, but you couldn’t help it. What if, maybe, just maybe, he did? 

As everyone’s loved ones began returning to them you waited for Thor, surely Loki would be with his brother. When Thor came walking towards you alone though you couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down your face. 

“I really thought he would come back,” you sobbed as Thor hugged you. 

“I know,” he muttered. 

When Thor decided to leave New Asgard you did too. You went back to New York, back to your old apartment that a friend had been taking care of for you. You were sitting on your fire escape the way you and Loki used to, watching as the people below reunited with their loved ones. You played with the promise ring around your finger; you couldn’t help but feel like a part of you was missing. 

“Today would have been the nine year anniversary of our first kiss,” you began, whispering softly to yourself and to Loki, who you knew couldn’t hear you. “I’m still in love with you, Loki, after nine years. I think about what we almost had, I was almost your queen. You promised to be mine forever, so I promise I’ll be yours forever. You promised to never leave me, but here I am alone. You promised to never stop loving me, and I promise you that in return. You promised to protect me with your life and you did. You promised that you never wanted to be without me, but now here I am without you. You promised to kill for me and die for me, you were always so dramatic, but I guess you fulfilled your promise. When you said that there was nothing you wouldn’t do for me I believed every word. You swore to keep all your promises and you did, now it’s my turn. I swear to never forget you.” 


End file.
